Toilet Paper Math

Curious if any of mah readers do the toilet paper math? Does anyone stand there and try to figure out which is the best deal — the 12 double rolls or the 24 super-pack or the generic 6-pack that’s also on sale, etc.? I mean, to do this properly you have to go square vs. square to make sure you’re comparing price per. Or I guess you could do yards… but whatever you do, it can’t be per roll because sizes vary. That’s how they getcha. (Assuming they do.)

I try to be a careful shopper, now more than ever, and with TP who cares what brand really? They’re all nice and soft and fluffy, imo. I can’t tell a difference. I’ve gone house label many times. Since I live alone, one 4-pack lasts a while, so sometimes I’ll just grab that, even though I know it’s not the most economical. I feel guilty though a few weeks later when I’m writing down TP on my shopping list again — that was dumb, I scold myself. Buy the larger package! But honestly do I really want to be walking into my apartment with enough TP to last me through a siege? I have to wonder what people will be thinking… she must have a problem, eek.

Yesterday however I was determined not to make a stupid TP purchase.  I debated between the 6-pack of fatties for $6.99 and the 12-pack of normies for $5.99. Seemed like a no-brainer to go with the 12, so I did. ICBW. I don’t think anyone noticed when I lugged the giant package in from the car, whew! And I must have saved a bunch of money, I am sure.

Which is good because I just got the new Pyramid spring catalog. 🙂

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18 responses to “Toilet Paper Math

  1. I feel sheepish carrying a package of toilet paper rolls the size of a large piece of luggage. Those things should have handles on them. Anyway the phone company, and here I mean what is now AT&T, if you found this via a Google search, uses a grade of toilet paper in their building bathrooms that is two or three levels below that found in public buildings in Moscow. As a result of this tissue-thin, like three molecules, product, a typical usage is about 80 to 100 squares. More if you accidentally breathe on it and the moisture in your breath dissolves it right there in your hand.

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  2. A few months ago I did the TP math and bought a multi-pack, which advertised ‘soft’, and I thought ‘fantastic, I saved moneeeey. I get home and discover the term ‘soft’ must be situational dependent, because I have been greeted by softer TP in Government buildings. OK, use it, shopping lessen learned. Nope. A few weeks later, the woman I am dating was coming over to the house for the first time, and no way was I going to have rolls of sandpaper in the bathrooms. So I went to the store and bought a brand I could trust, and replaced the rolls in each bathroom; hid the sandpaper, which I used in secret (what else could I do, I’m too old to use it to TP houses).

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  3. Anyone who has ever lived on a budget has done the TP figuring. There’s the fluffiness factor, sheets per roll, all those things. And if you’re lucky enough to have room to store lots of TP rolls, the big Costco packages are a real steal.

    But my apartment-dweller self has reached these conclusions: ScotTissue is NEVER a bargain, no matter how heavy those rolls are. Marcal rolls seem big and fluffy, but they’re just rolled more loosely. After all these years, I’ve winnowed it down to Charmin Basic…it’s just right.

    You will never find that moisturized TP in my bathroom. It’s just gross.

    One other thing I’ve noticed: Why is it only men who have a sad, empty roll with one shred of paper on it spinning in the holder, while no woman in the history of humanity has ever run out of TP?

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  4. Since men, real men, don’t waste their few and precious brain cells on thoughts of bathroom appointments, that one shred of paper provided just enough tactile feedback when its predecessors were used up to prevent the Replace Roll flag from being set, hence the Replace Roll function was never initiated. Next time it will be, like as not accompanied by an “Oh shit there’s no more TP” warning message, which in a properly programmed male brain should lead to a quick scan of the underwear inventory stored in memory followed by a jump to either the Panic or Plan B routine. (Panic is instantiation-specific. Plan B involves use of the sink and a lot of hand soap just before exit.)

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  5. Fucking WordPress. How do you people make it attribute your comments correctly? How come it worked before and then didn’t and now I don’t what it does? Shoulda quit the innernet while I could.

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    • Just have one WP acct? Use separate browsers for multiple accts?

      On TP: thanx for reminder, down to last 10 rolls, need to go to Costco again.

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  6. If your TP isn’t as soft as you’d like, scrunch it up in your hand, preferably before using, and it’ll be softer than it was, at least. Old trick I learned in the joint.

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  7. Gekko, changed! THANK GOD it was you and not one of the psychos. I was freaking out, since it was so local. No clue why the IP came in as Garden Grove — I just tried another site and it said Burbank. I guess you can’t rely on them.

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  8. My store offers up the price per meter (yes, that one) for every brand, and that’s what I go by/buy. That and the little green swan label that says the bright white paper is all environmentally safe and cuddly.

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  9. I love the Pyramid catalog! And we use the 9 or 12 Ultra-Charmin packages. But there are 3 of us.

    Not liking whatever has happened with comments. Are people having this same problem with mine? I’ve never had to log in to WordPress before to use my gravatar info.

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  10. I don’t understand why things have changed, wah! I didn’t do anything (except I just UNCHECKED that peeps have to put name and email). No one’s ever had to log into WP. There are only two things: (1) the first time an IP shows up it’s held for moderation; and (2) there are a block of IPs that are banned (no one here). I go look again!

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  11. I hate frequent roll changes (and role ones, too, for that matter). So I go with the 1000 sheets per roll stuff that’s good for septic tanks, even thought I don’t have one. That seems a better way to figure REAL cost, how long a roll lasts.

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  12. Roy has proven that there is a difference between brands.

    I grew up in a ScotTissue household (my dad worked for Scott Paper) so I really really really believe in “good for all septic systems.” And I do favor a roll with 1,000 sheets, even if the “sheets” are a little smaller than they used to be.

    I don’t much like that the sale price has jumped from half-a-buck per roll to 75-cents. I mean fitty-cent has a ring to it. How can you make a song in three-quarter time?

    —————-

    [WP logon? Gravatar login? It’s all that sandpaper they sell in Russian outhouses to me]

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  13. I buy whatever is on sale at Target. Because I don’t have space for all that toilet paper that Costco sells.

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  14. My step-father used to be convinced that all anyone ever needed was one square of single-ply per visit to the toilet. He made it a rule, and would lecture us if he suspected we were using more than one.

    I used to rebel by using ten squares. Sometimes, in fact, I would just randomly go into the bathroom and unroll a bunch of squares and flush them, just because.

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