Heather Locklear, Demi Moore … and Me

I may not have a kazillion dollars and be incredibly gorgeous and all, but I think I’m doing a little bit better than those gals, not to brag or anything.

The three of us are about the same age, have had recent painful break-ups, and here’s how we’re handling things.

Heather: drinks too much, goes to rehab, engages in criminal battery.

Demi: quits job, does weird drugs (whip- its?), is hospitalized.

Me: adopts cat, joins eHarmony, buys stripey sweater for date tomorrow night.

Yes, OK, the stripey sweater thing is a little crazy.

But I didn’t want to be forced into cardigan rehab.

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8 responses to “Heather Locklear, Demi Moore … and Me

  1. I’m totally discussing the stripey sweater with the next tabloid that calls asking about you (which happens to me a lot). I’ll only be identified in the story as “an insider in the Paula camp,” but you’ll know it was me.

    If Demi had fallen apart after her breakup with Bruce Willis I’d have been more understanding. But all this over… Ashton Kutcher? GROSS.

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  2. You leave them all standing. And of course you’re gorgeous, WTF?

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  3. Paula, you top ’em all!

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  4. Adderall (popular at colleges) and teenager samples of laughing gas after getting “cheated on” by her boy toy. Sounds like Ms Moore would do well to accept that she’s nearly my age.

    Though admittedly, being a Hollywood celebrity can be very “exhausting”.

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  5. It may not be the breakups. They’re probably not coping well with the aging process.

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  6. Teacake: they both have appalling taste in men. Kutcher, shudder, ick. And Heather with the nasty grungy rockers and then that golden man, looked like he could be her twin brother, creepy.

    Alan and Asha: thanks!

    Don: yes, just walking from one end of her closet to the other is probably a huge workout.

    AJ: good point.

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  7. I dunno, there’s something appealing about a woman my age doing whip-its.

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  8. You’re probably smarter than both of them combined. And, shut up, you have looks, and I doubt you’ve had stuff shot into your cheeks and lips to plump them up. RESPECT.

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