There Was Once a Girl from Nantucket

Who did not have a list in a bucket…

“Bucket list” is one of those overused terms that gets my teeth all gnashy. If anyone asks me what’s on mine, I will get annoyed, guaranteed.

Because you can’t have ordinary things on this list, no. Hope I die before I’m in full-blown Alzheimer’s. Hope I can afford decent medical care from now until then. Hope I don’t ever get in another car accident.

No no, those are all wrong. I’m supposed to want things like exploring the Amazon in a canoe. Or ziplining across Niagara Falls. Or having sex on top of Mt. Everest. Bleh. No thanks.

I have dissed travel before (hard to get that excited about waking up with a migraine in a new city and deliberately putting myself in a pile of known and unknown triggers), but it’s not like I’m adamantly opposed to it in all cases. I would like to visit Boston, Maine, London, Athens, etc. Probably won’t. Because travel is way too expensive. This doesn’t break my heart or anything. I just don’t care that much. A lot of things would be “nice” that I’m not going to have or do. I try to be happy with what I do have and can do.

Bucket lists are cool for peeps who have more resourses, I guess. I don’t see the point in having a fantasy list floating around to remind me of stuff not likely to happen. I’ve always had romance novels at hand for that purpose anyway. Let’s face it: the odds of my being able to afford a luxury Mediterranean cruise are about the same as my odds of encountering a duke masquerading as a pirate who falls madly in love with me. I realize that not taking the cruise further lowers my odds of meeting the pirate duke, but hey that’s life.

When it comes down to it, after a certain level of comfort, such as hot tea and hot showers available to me on demand, and the blow money to order fancy $12 socks off Amazon a couple times per month, I don’t pine away for stuff. I understand that I’m pretty damn lucky to have what I have, and possibly this bucket list bs seems to be saying, nah girl, you need to dream bigger! You need to want more things! You’re a shitty consumer! K.

What if I won the lottery? After setting up my kids, I’d buy a big house and rescue a whole bunch of kittehs. I’d hire some dude to build one of those carpeted cat tunnel fun thingers that go around the ceiling, down the steps, etc., for the kittehs to romp around in. Maybe tunnel maker guy would be a duke fallen on hard times, idk. Don’t care. KITTEHS!

Bucket cats

Funny Chicks


A friend alerted me to this article in The Atlantic about how men don’t like funny women. I found the piece interesting, though overlong as usual.

Despite my enjoyment of the article, this has not been my experience at all. In fact, thinking back, I’m pretty sure I’ve mostly been complimented by men for being funny, not so much by women. Then again, I’m mostly around smart guys who don’t feel threatened by otter smart/funny peeps.

I definitely agree that men take more risks with their humor, which is why they have more hits… and more misses. I watched a couple Louis C.K. shows this week and was surprised how much of his act was simply not funny. But damn when it was? Fucking hysterical.

As in hockey, it appears, so in lols: You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. The 2011 Intelligence study similarly found that men wrote more captions overall, both funny and lame. In other words, men make more attempts at humor, so they are successful more of the time.

This makes sense. Women, I think, are more afraid of offending someone, and fuck knows everyone is offended by something these days. Men are more likely to think ah the hell with it and just say the thing. Comedy takes some degree of bravery, and I don’t mean simply getting up in front of an audience. You have to be prepared to fail, or to even piss people off.

I’ve been writing some new routines, which are a little edgier than my first one, but even so, I’m still aware of trying to appeal to the masses in a low-key way, mostly by poking fun at myself. While I may laugh at humor that aims outward, I worry about doing it publicly. I’m pretty sure I will get over that soon enough. :)

There are certain subjects I won’t touch: work, kids, ex-husband. And I don’t like ethnic or bathroom humor, so that’s out too. I haz a rule that women comedians should stay away from jokes about their mother and their gynecologist because those have been done to death. There’s still a lot left, no worries!

Funny people are more likely to be smart. (In one of the many New Yorker studies, the students who scored higher on intelligence tests also generated the funniest captions.) Humor “signals a kind of ability to put yourself in someone else’s mind and understand what someone else will find funny,” David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist, explained. “It requires social intelligence, and it takes social verve or confidence.”

I agree with this, natch.

I guess, over the years, I’ve mostly enjoyed male comedians more than female ones, possibly because the women resort to the mom-and-gyno jokes too often. And I never liked Joan Rivers because she was just mean. I love Tina Fey though. I also love the impressionists ~ Rich Little and Paul Lynde are my faves. Steve Martin is probably my fave comedian overall.

The article goes on to jabber about dating and dating sites, something I have no experience with.


Cake Is Always The Answer

So, last night I did a stand-up, open-mic comedy routine. It went fairly well ~ I got several laughs and felt pretty comfortable in front of an audience. My good friend Steven video’d me, and I see that I paced like a maniac. Next time I will try to stand in one spot! I definitely plan to do it again in a few weeks and have several routines semi-written already.

Before I drove to the bar, I took a Valium, just in case. For whatever reason, they don’t seem to affect me as strongly as in the old days, so I happily accepted a Corona another friend bought for me. That mellowed me out and I felt super-relaxed the whole night. I assumed I’d have a hangover migraine this morning, but I don’t. I feel great! (Well, except that it’s freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing here.)

After we watched a few more comedians, a few of us went out for a snack. I had this utterly delicious red velvet mini-cake. We all chatted for a bit and then I drove home, went to sleep.

OBVIOUSLY, the way to prevent a hangover is to eat cake before bed! How did I not know this? I shall now commence experimenting with otter types of booze and cake. I guess it would be scientific only if I had the same cake each time, but eh.

Brace yourselves for a booze-cake-headache table soon. :D

RV cake

Friday 13

1. I can’t believe I haven’t poasted all week ~ I’ve been thinking about poasting, but apparently the days just slid by with my having nothing really compelling to say, as they do.

2. WP says I should switch to the new improved poasting experience, but I’m wary.

3. My migraines have improved immensely.

4. Because of the cooler weather? Because I’ve been getting more and better sleep? Because I began eating eggs again?

5. These are allegedly cruelty-free eggs. Not that this will stop the vegan police from wishing me dead. (Not exaggerating ~ this just happened.)

6. I also ate tuna a few times recently; I do not feel well when I get all my protein from plants.

7. I’m still staying away from beef, pork, lamb, chicken, turkey, etc., and I don’t miss any of that, which surprises me because I haven’t had any since February, and only a few times last year. I care about a cow a lot more than I care about a fish, which makes me speciest. I’m OK with this.

8. But, as it turns out, I miss things less (or not at all) when I stay away from them completely ~ I don’t think this is unusual either. All things work this way. Maybe not oxygen…

9. I mostly don’t have milk or cheese either, but I’m not that pure when out and about in restaurants and such, though I try to be. This makes me think I should delete myself from the vegan groups, except I do like to check out their recipes (found some really good ones) and I do support their messages about stopping aminal cruelty. The admins of these groups are much less fanatical than many of their followers cuz the admins understand that this is a process and all progess is worth celebrating.

10. I find fanatics and extremists harder to take the older I get, and the minute I discover someone is hardcore on an issue, the less I want to be around them. Not counting my kids, who can do no wrong.

11. I’ve been writing a little poetry, not much, and nothing else except FB crap and ideas for comedy routines. Yes, I am going to do open mic comedy in front of a real audience soon. Surprised?

12. I am totally OK with this level of writing and don’t miss romance writing one bit either. I’ve been happily gobbling up yummy books otter people write, and this is good.

13. These items actually went over 13, because they were one sentence each, and I joked about that, but ultimately my OCD won and I squashed some together. Then, I added more to most of the items because once the one-sentence rule was gone, it didn’t really fucking matter anymore.


Seriously, don’t even read this at all if you plan on seeing the flick.



Still here?

You haz been warned.

OK, I saw Spectre yesterday, and it was a lot of fun as Bond movies always are. Craig does an awesome Bond (and I was one of the original skeptics). Overall, I recommend the movie to Bond fans and action movie lovers in general.


I was disappointed in a couple things. Right at the start there was something I considered a faux pas. Bond’s in a hotel room with a beautiful girl and tells her he’ll be right back. He goes off to kill a guy, get chased, leap across rooftops, etc., as he does… and then the film cuts away to the opening song and credits. Wtf? The Bond of old would have kept the date and they should have shown that. (“Now, where were we?”)

Next, I did not like two of the main plot twists. One, Franz the villain turns out to be Bond’s brother via (Bond’s) adoption, which leads to a bunch of babble about Franz killing their father out of jealousy and always having it out for Bond cuz he stole daddy’s attention. Ugh. Yuck. Two, Franz announces that he has taken his mother’s surname and is now called Blofeld (complete with white cat). No! No no no no. This was not a REMAKE of an old 007 flick, but a progression in the life and times of James Bond, and it’s totes uncool for them to grab back a done and dusted bad guy. (Supposedly, Blofeld died at the start of For Your Eyes Only.) What next ~ Scaramanga? Goldfinger? There was no reason not to have a new bad guy with a new name “reboot” Spectre. No reason at all.

I think writers should be a lot more careful with reboots/remakes and the like. Either you stick to the original and update it with cellphones and shit, or just move the hell on and write something new. Certainly don’t take a franchise and grab stale fries from fifty years ago to scatter about a film in the here and now. That’s kind of a cheat, and we know what happens to writers who use cheats a la Stephen King’s Misery.

My last criticism of Spectre is more basic. I object to this kind of SOS writing we’re seeing in action movies lately of having the hero always be a dude who is bravely going against his own government because of one flimsy piece of info, and then it turns out his boss is in cahoots with the villains, or is the biggest villain of all, blah blah blah. Usually Alex Baldwin plays a belligerent general at some point. Then, there are always one or two other peeps in the gov’t who believe in the hero and help him save the world, thereby putting their own careers in jeopardy. Yawn.

I am sick of this storyline altogether. Write something else, dammit.

Other than these minor nits, I enjoyed the movie. If it’s true that Craig is tired of playing 007 and tossing out his tux, I look forward to the next actor (rumored to be Idris Elba).


PS: Here are some other reviews I found interesting.

9 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Extremely Jealous Men

I wish there was a way to add text to a shared poast before it plops on my blog. Anyway… I don’t share poasts that often, but this one was particularly excellent. Every reason is spot-on for anyone who is still dating (and I suppose it could apply to men as well, tho I think the reasons would have to be tweaked). The main thing is that you can never relax, you’re always on trial, and nothing you do ever really convinces this guy that you’re faithful. Eventually, you realize that the jealousy has nothing to do with how much he wants you and everything to do with his own upfucked insecurities. You can’t fix that.

For whatever reason, I met many more ragingly jealous men recently than when I was in my 20s. Not sure why that is, except for my basic hypothesis that the older you get the more dreck there is in the pool and the harder it is to filter thru that to find anyone decent.

Yes, I know I seem drecky to men my age who are looking for a ziplining buddy. Got it.

Source: 9 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Extremely Jealous Men


I had some ideas for poasts, but none of them seem interesting now. Poor people getting tossed out of a motel here for condo-building. Closing bathrooms in the public park, but creating new fun things for people’s dogs in same park. I know, it’s complicated. Homeless peeps are shooting heroin in the park where kids play. What to do? I don’t know.

They’re building condos on my street too. Six hundred thousand dollar condos, next to auto repair shops. Eventually those shops will disappear and the whole street will poshify, at which point I won’t be able to afford to live here anymore. Then what? I don’t know.

I’m not doing NaNo, if anyone was wondering. I’m happy to see my KDP chart has flatlined, so I don’t have the motivation of a few sales to keep me hooked into a pointless endeavor. I’m glad because I either want to have a shit ton of sales and make some actual money, $500/month plus, or none, so I don’t feel like I need to keep writing. It’s not this super-fun thing I do with a surge of joyous energy after working all day in an office. Writing is tedious and there’s just no point if no one’s buying anything. I had this idea it could be something I would do for serious supplemental retirement income. Nope.

Of course I’m still expressing myself via the written word, but it’s now mainly in poetry. I’ll have another book out soon that you don’t have to buy, no worries. I just like the OCDness of creating a cover and getting the poems all organized in a themey kind of way. Then I move on to the next one. I can’t imagine a time where I won’t feel the compulsion to put words together in an interesting way, even if the only person interested in them is me.

Migraines have improved since the weather cooled. Guess it was nothing that mysterious after all and naught to do with diet or soda or stress or sleep or alien vibes any other woo woo thing.

I still don’t feel good of course. Still have all sorts of random, mysterious aches and regular sinus pain and stuffiness. But that’s all a given, I guess. Today I haz a puffyweepy red eye in addition to this ~ and I am taking sumatriptan because the eye pain is triggering the beginning stabs of a migraine. But it’s nice not to have the full-on stabby headaches from the minute I wake up until the drug hits.

Still not dating, which is great because I never learned how to do it right and only make myself stressed and miserable. I had a few flings with a couple dating sites over the year, with the exact same results as have been documented here before. No need to go into the boring borings again. I have never met the “right” man for me and I don’t think it’s even possible now because, as with novel writing, I’m just not motivated enough anymore to even try. Relationships take work, meh. I’m hoping to make 2016 completely date-free… and beyond.

I’ve commissioned three pieces of art from a good friend and am super-excited to see how those turn out.

In a few weeks I’ll fly north to see my daughters for Thanksgiving ~ I miss them so much.

I’ve been reading a ton of books, mysteries and romances. I missed that while I was writing. In a strange way, I feel like I’m 14 again and enjoying all the same things I did then ~ reading, poetry, movies, craft fairs, friendships ~ but having already lived my life so there’s no pressure to be anything special. That’s not going to happen and it’s cool. When I was 14, the world was waiting for me to do something great. Now it isn’t and I can relax.

What Goes Up…

Lookit me! I boinged up here. I soooo cool.


I’m totes comfy. What?


Yipes! It’s a bit higher than I thot at first.


No worries. I got this!


Teaser Twosday

New thing, peeps. Open the book you’re currently reading and share two sentences from the page you’re on. Avoid spoilers ~ if you’re on the last page, plz don’t poast, “The butler did it. Get your own coat.” K?

Here are  mine…

“Tonight, as I stare out at the now empty road outside, I wonder if he’s heading there again, if he’s going to walk the minefield, to find out if this night, right now, is when it’s all destined to come to an end.

And I thought I had problems.”

Little Black Lies by Sharon Bolton, page 38. This story takes place on the Falkland Islands (remember them?). There’s a lot of interesting history and local color.

Teaser game found via The Chocolate Lady, who shared it from A Daily Rhythm.

Still the Same

In June 2013 I took one of those personality test thingers and came out INFJ. I’m pretty skeptical of all these online tests… except I almost always end up the same on them. Maybe there is something to the Myers-Briggs model. Anyway, I took another one this weekend and… yup, INFJ again.

“INFJs are kind, mindful, complex and highly intuitive people. This is the most rare personality type of all, only 1 percent of the population has it.”

  • I’m special!

“They like to organize their outer world in categories and priorities they never stop redefining. However, they have a great intuition and deal with their inner life very spontaneously. They perceive and understand things very intuitively and are very rarely wrong about their intuitions. This dichotomy between their inner and outer life may result in INFJs being less organized than other Judging types.”

  • Yes, organization is super-important. The problem with my fab intuition tho is that I usually let “logic” override it. When I do listen, however irrational my intuition seems, I end up better off. And, fuck you, I am the most organized Judger of all.

“Because of their great instincts, INFJs understand people and situations very easily. They often feel when something has happened to some of their friends of family members even if they cannot really explain to themselves how they perceived it. Those strong intuitive capabilities may lead them sometimes to stubbornness and ignoring other people’s opinions since they trust their instincts above everything else. This attitude should not be perceived as arrogance as INFJs are perfectionists and think they should always improve themselves and the world around.”

  • I am a perfectionist, which is why I’m so hard on myself.
  • As stated, I have ignored my intuition, since I don’t want to seem stubborn or irrational, and that has been bad for me. I’m trying not to ignore it these days.
  • The reason I usually know when something is going on with a person I care about is because I am super-attuned to patterns of speech and behavior. I always thought of this as a survival mechanism because of the crazy screamy way my parents acted. I needed to know when a storm was coming.

“INFJs set up a strong value system for themselves and always care about living in accordance with their values and ideals. They are warm and easy going as long as they do not have to compromise their values.”

  • Luckily, my values are a little bit squishy.

“Warm and caring, they hate conflicts and will avoid hurting people. They will generally internalize their anger which can be a source of stress and health problems for them.”

  • True. Until I explode. Then I become a source of stress for someone else and walk away. :)

“In the work place, most INFJs show up in creative and independent positions. They are good at art and sciences where they can use their intuition at best. They are generally bad at dealing with details and prefer working on the big picture.”

  • False. I’m best at details. Give me a little piece of a project and leave me alone to do it perfectly. Someone else can big-picture things.

“INFJs are natural nurturers, protective and devoted. They make loving parents and build strong bonds with their children.”

  • My children are always my highest priority.

I wanted to poast a tune, but all the yootoob vids of Bob Seger’s Still the Same are boring. Vids should be cute or funny, not the same pic of an album cover thru the whole song. And I’m not fond of live vids, mostly.

You know what else is annoying? Tumblr. I went over there the other night in search of some rainbow kitties or wev to take my mind off the sads, but it was all dreck.

I googled “random image” instead and found this…

Random owl

I think it fits with the subject matter.