More Migraine Musing

Last Saturday I had a killer migraine, which basically wrecked my weekend. This is in the range of normal for me however. Since then, I haven’t had a terrible migraine, just “regular” headaches plus neck/shoulder and sinus pain, which all blends together, and I challenge anyone to draw a bright line where throbbing sinus eyeball pain ends and a migraine begins. Or how about you show me on this doll where the exact spot is that neck pain switches into head pain. I’ll wait.

I rant about this because I get some migraine newsletters and such and this last week or so they’ve been whining about not calling a migraine a headache. Fuck that. I’ll call my pain whatever the hell I want, from headache to Satan’s stabby pitchfork in my eye. Some crazy woman insisted we weren’t even allowed to call it “a migraine.” No, when we are in blinding agony we must be medically PC and say, “Pardon me, but I am currently experiencing a manifestation of one of the symptoms of migraine disease, which at the moment happens to be a trio of jackhammers drilling through my right temple.” The fuck? Get out of my face, manic labelers.

Yesterday I had a lot of sinus pain on the right sight of my face. Plus my neck hurt a lot. Was it a migraine? Idk. Who cares? It hurt. Then I had sake, which seemed to be OK for me… and in fact my neck/shoulder felt better afterward. I’m sure that’s just coinkydink. But a couple hours later my right eye/temple began to throb. Not sure if it was from the sake or the salty food I had with it or just a rando migraine starting. I took sumatriptan, which knocked it out right away. This morning I feel somewhat OK, except the sinus pain is still lingering and threatening to turn into more. Even minor discomfort in my head now seems like a dark ominous cloud lurking at the edge of the sky.

I wonder if my neck/shoulder feels (a little) better because I’ve been a lazy slob this week and have hardly exercised. Would that not be counter-intuitive? Isn’t exercise supposed to cure everything? Snortle.

Lately I think it’s good that no romances have worked out for me because why would anyone want to put up with a partner like this? How depressing it would be for someone to hear nearly every day that their girlfriend feels like crap. It’s not like reading this blog where you can sympathize for a minute and then go off merrily. It’d be like… wanna grab some dinner? No, my headache is making me naus. How about a movie? Nah, too loud. Take a nice walk? Ack, sunshine stab stab stab! Wanna… you know… “cuddle?” Are you insane? Don’t touch me.

What I really need is a personal masseur. Just someone to give me a vigorous neck/shoulder/back massage twice a day and go away. Guess I need to win the lottery. Oh hey, are we still allowed to use masseur/masseuse or do we have to come up with a new word to encompass all 17 genders?

Don’t freak out. I’m totes supportive of all the consenting adult sexual things. I dgaf what anyone does in the bedroom or hanging from the chandelier. I’m just tired of having to think about goddamn labels.

I left the 10 packs of sumatriptan in my shopping cart because idk what to do about the Rx. Apparently I filled out my name and email though because they just sent me a 5% discount to encourage me to finish shopping. LOL. Maybe I will ask my doctor’s office if someone will phone it in. I’ll let you know how that goes. Har de har.

What I find completely bizarre is my lack of craving for sweets lately. What is up with that? I don’t even feel like Me anymore. My whole life has been defined by leaps from cupcake to cookie to pie to donut to ice cream and then back again. With the occasional Snickers detour. It’s been very geometrical and something I could always count on. Now? Meh. Did you know that I literally walked five miles in the snow with a fever and sore throat when I was 15 and home from school to buy a Hostess blueberry pie? Yes. Today I wouldn’t even bother to walk across the street for a hunk of coconut birthday cake with a pink frosting flower. Last week I had froyo with candy toppings and it almost made me barf. I’m just not into dessert anymore ~ it’s not you, it’s me.

What do I find yummy lately? Avocado. And um… more avocado. Weird! What caused this? A vitamin I’m lacking? Have I had a mini-stroke from migraines which has shorted out a section of my brainz? Or is it an aging/hormonal thing? Cupcake Mom morphs into Avo Crone.

Yeesh. I think I’ll blame the headaches.

New OCD issue: I realize I erred here in making health a tag instead of a category, so I will have to go back thru all my poasts and fix. There goes the weekend.

Bitter Sweets

I mashed some of my little Twitter pomes into longer ones and made a book.

It’s #13 right now in Kindle love & erotica poetry (out of 15? lol). Anyway, it’s only $0.99 and free for Kindle Unlimiteders, so rush right over and get a copy before they all sell out.

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Bitter Sweets ~ get yours today!

Migraine Math

Upon waking, you categorize your head pain on a scale from 1-10.

A. If the pain is 4-7 (the usual), get up and try to ignore it.

1. The pounding becomes worse, stabbing you through eye or temple and tightening across your forehead. Neck throbs. You begin sweating and feeling dizzy. Should you take a sumatriptan pill? Did you take one yesterday? Probably. How about the day before? Can’t remember. Entertain the idea that you’re stroking out and wish it would be so, but then remember you feel this way several days per week so probably not plus your kids would miss you and possibly the cat. OK, start with two Excedrin ES tablets and chase them with a cup of coffee. Unless the nausea is too intense, in which case skip that step, take a Zofran and start sipping an icy Real Coke. Take sumatriptan as soon as the nausea subsides.

2. The pain lessens ~ not likely, but it has happened. Rejoice! Try to figure out why in order to repeat this miracle, a completely useless endeavor.

B. If the pain is 8-9, go directly to step 1 of part A.

C. If the pain is 0-3… ha ha ha ha. Right.

*

So, I get 9 sumatriptan (generic Imitrex) pills every 22 days from my insurance, though I try to go the extra week to make it about once a month. I’m out of refills right now and had a wild thought of trying to buy more online, from a reputable place natch, not some rat poison factory in Outer Fuckistan. All the reputable places require an Rx from the doc either mailed or phoned in, makes sense, I guess. I could get an Rx in person, mail it to Reputable Place, and get 90 pills for $130 (including shipping), which is about the same as 10 months of copays. But the idea is I wouldn’t be limited to 9 pills a month, but could take 12-15+.

Would this be bad for me? Probably. But it’s also bad to allow a migraine to continue. Not sure why, but a doctor told me it was. Maybe it’s like the dad in Firestarter ~ every time he did that mental push thingie he lost a bit more brainpower. How would I know if I lost any since I’m aging all along? I seem to be better at Words with Friends than I used to be, fwiw.

What was I talking about again? Oh. My constant calculations wrt migraines. It’s mighty tedious. I’ll probably just continue as I am. I did give up artificial sugar though ~ we’ll see if that does anything. And I ordered turmeric to help my neck achies, which trigger 50% of my migraines, but I screwed up the delivery options so we’ll see if it ever gets here. If it does, we’ll see if I can tolerate consuming it without creating a cascade of new horrible things.

Gah.

Headmath

Some Sort of Meta-Gibberish

So, I was saying that I wrote a long whiny thing yesterday and deleted it while it was still an email draft. I didn’t mean it to be whiny ~ in fact, I don’t feel whiny and complainy lately very much at all, despite being in chronic pain, waaah. I said at the other place that I feel pretty lucky health-wise relatively speaking and it’s true. Things can always be worse, and most likely they will be if you wait long enough.

I dislike that first paragraph there, but I don’t feel like deleting it, despite my general OCD tendency to constantly delete everything. The problem with the intro on these poasts is that sometimes it’s all anyone reads in a propagated blurb, when really I might have something hysterically funny or brilliantly profound to say later on. Then again, probably not.

What was my unintentionally whiny poast about? Well, I began by coining one of my famous UVisms and called the thing Slothification in Progress. Then I went on to babble about how I don’t gotta do nuthin’ I don’t wanna anymores so there. That went on paragraph after paragraph. I said I like my job and being neat and organized, so I do all that, but otterwise, pretty much fuckall. My kids are on their own and I just have myself and the cat to take care of, which is enough and good and I mostly don’t feel like doing anything in my spare time but reading and watching movies and I DON’T CARE.

I jabbered about how I mostly don’t like to socialize, except when I do, so I’m totes inconsistent and hypocritical and so what. I accept that peeps who don’t have migraines aren’t going to understand why I need to micromanage my time and logistics the way I do, and that’s OK. I can’t plan to exercise with otter peeps because I don’t know when I’ll be feeling too crappy on a given day to show up to a hike, plus even the baby ones are too long and strenuous for me. I can do 2-3 miles. At mile 5, I die. Simple as that. I’ll have back pain and extra headaches for the entire next week. What I actually like to do is stroll in the park and/or dance-exercise to my old lady aerobics video or just regular music. Alone.

What else was I yipping about? Oh dating and romance, barf. That’s all finished now, thank gawd. Big fail and maybe for the best because while the fantasy is holding hands on the porch swing while the sun sets, the reality is more likely to be some idiot man playing the TV too loud 24/7.

Now I remember why I deleted my poast. It wasn’t because I was afraid of boring my loyal blogfans with my whining (as if!)… it was because when I googled for a pic of a sloth I saw all these stupid rapey memes. Did I miss the memo that we are to slap moronic rapey quotes on photos of cute aminals? Is it just sloths or are other aminals involved in this debacle? Gah.

That reminds me. I’m not down with this trend of taking pics of famous people and attributing words to them that they didn’t say. Being a hypocrite, I think I’ve done it a time or two with that bearded guy (“I don’t always…”), but when it gets political, I feel offended/annoyed/whatever. I just thought everyone should know. Why can’t people just state their own opinions in a few sentences? Do they think they’ll be more insulated from the judgment of their peers if they repost a meme?

Finally, I’m over writing fiction, all of it. Too boring. Didn’t work out. Don’t wanna hear your marketing suggestions. Do not care. I’m only doing poetry or nothing. Mostly nothing. I am good with nothing. Nothing works for me. :)

On Labels and A Big Trigger

First, I am blogging from my shiny new laptop, yay!

Second, I appear to be an idjit after all and have upfucked my backup drive full of pix and moozic (I have all my documents).

Third, this is suprisingly freeing. Who gives a shit? Turns out, I have a ton of pix on Flickr (forgot about that) and another ton on G+. Definitely have lost some tho ~ and stopped caring after about two minutes. As far as tunes, I can get them back from my CDs. Long process, but wev. I haven’t begun it because I don’t seem to GAF.

OK, enough of that. This poast is about labels. Remember this: “If it says Libby’s Libby’s Libby’s on the label label label, you will like it like it like it on your table table table”? Is that always true? Do we really know from a label whether we’ll like something or not?

We are obsessed with labels. Man, woman, black, white, atheist. Gay or straight. Heteroflex? Married or single. Muslim or Catholic. One-eighth Native American. African-American. Latino? Where are you from? What are you? Irish, German, Sudanese? Liberal or conservative? We need to know! We must label you. Got to know what box to stick you in!

I’ve always found this annoying, from way early on. I didn’t like other kids asking me then, and I don’t like adults asking me now. (Some of you may remember my old [deleted] poast on the crazy dater man who was obsessed with finding out my heritage before we met and I got so irritated I fucked with him in email until he believed I was black.) Why did he need to know exactly what part of Europe my great-grandparents were from before we had coffee? Bizarre.

Anyway. This annoyance might stem from an unfortunate experience I had when I was 10. It was in December and our school’s music teacher asked if anyone was Jewish. I had made the mistake in telling a couple kids my father was Jewish and one of them nagged me to raise my hand. The music teacher asked me what I did for Chanukah and what songs I liked. I said I didn’t celebrate Chanukah. He laughed and said that was like Santa saying he didn’t celebrate Christmas. I was hugely embarrassed and refused to tell anyone my background again for a long time.

Nowadays, being asked about my ethnicity and/or religion usually triggers a burst of anger, except under certain circumstances (forex, I’ve gone to a couple Chabad events and expect to be asked about being Jewish there, so it’s OK, plus they were super-nice about it). I am at peace with my semi-Jewish atheism, but it’s hard to explain to new peeps and really why should I bother?

The other night I was at a Meetup event and ended up chatting with a Jewish guy, but not any Jewish guy ~ one straight out of Israel. My friend told him my daughter had just returned from a trip to Israel, and he commenced to quiz me. Look, dickhead, I was Jewish enough for the rabbi at our old temple to allow me to become an adult bat mitzvah. Apparently Israel thinks I’m Jewish enough to be offered citizenship under the Law of Return (1970 amendment). I’m sure I would have been Jewish enough for the ovens. So, I don’t need some rando asshole trying to rearrange my labels to suit his narrow-mindedness.

I left right after that because really.

In Which I Attempt to Blog on the Kfire

Already I’m exhausted from dealing with the title. Plus I don’t have access to my pics here, so you’ll just see the broken-hearted cupcake. But at least the Kfire screen is a reasonable size for writing, unlike phone, and the cursor doesn’t leap around like a maniac.

I should have my new laptop tomorrow night… and then I have to set it up alone. Be prepared for whining and shrieking and cursing.

Today I have another awful migraine. Plans are all kiboshed, except laundry. I’m staring at the laundry, willing it to go downstairs and throw itself in the washing machine. Funny how when my head is pounding, almost nothing seems urgent except lessening the pain. I really, really wanted to see Spy (idk how to do italics here), but now I dgaf.

I’ve been dgaffing a lot lately and I highly recommend it. If I knew how to link here, I’d send you to that wonderful Mark Manson essay on same. Once you begin dgaffing about things that don’t affect you, it’s very addicting. You can stay detached from all the stupid shit peeps kerfuffle over and watch moar movies. Of course there are some who will become enraged at your failure to gaf… and you must also learn to dgaf about that. I’m almost there. Advanced dgaffery.

This weekend I’ve rewatched Splash and Are You Being Served. Great stuff. Tom Hanks was so young! Today I might rewatch Hitch and/or Shopgirl.

I also have a bunch of free books from KU, but I’ve been disappointed with the last several I started. Must branch out from the silly romances. And I definitely am not trying anymore cowboys. They are now on auto-reject with vampires and twins.

It makes me happy to glance down the hall and see three (3) pairs of pink shoes by the door. No, they’re all mine. Ha ha.

These are the necessary tools for curing the worst of my migraines, in order: Imitrex and Zofran; icepack; real Coke; plain tortilla or other breadly substance (but tortilla works best). Don’t ask me ~ I’m just reporting the facts.

Lately I feel very free to do what I please. It’s nice. And I’m not talking about being irresponsible ~ of course I still go to work, vacuum, etc. But I’m letting go of the shoulds and the guilts wrt to others. If we’re both catering exclusively to your desires, then who’s looking out for mine?

Finally, I have discovered an 11th hour love for Twitter. I use it to read/write mini-pomes and to spout the random vaguetweet without having to explain it. This is also very freeing, along with zero obligation toward commenting on otter peeps’ tweets. Oh, and I rarely bother to yap about my books, since now everyone is a writer and no one cares.

Not feeling the self-pressure to do any “real writing” = the most freedom of all.

Moment of Silence Plz

For the pink laptop. RIP.

Kthx. Pretty sure I got it in Dec 2007, but can’t check because the photo of it as a newborn is on the pink laptop ~ pix also backed up externally natch (I are not an idjit), but I have nothing to download the pix to at the mo. 

Yes, I am writing this poast on my phone, which is so much fun NOT. I could have done it on the Kfire, I suppose, but I was already logged in here to catch up with my peeps.

OK. Can’t take anymore of this cursor jumpitude. Luvyas! See you on the Lenovo (supposed to arrive Monday).

Can I poast a rando pic from mah phone? Let’s see…

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The Yellow Wallpaper Redux

Surely you remember the famous Charlotte Perkins Gilman short story The Yellow Wallpaper? Well…

A while ago, I used bookcases to create a divider in my studio apartment to make it feel more like a living room and a bedroom rather than one great room. Since the backs of the bookcases were plain and boring, I covered them in aminal print paper. They came out pretty cool.

Lately I’ve noticed that the paper is getting scratched and shredded. Is something trying to get out from behind there? Is someone trying to help? Could there be a psycho creature clawing at the paper in fits of madness? Possibly it’s only my wild imaginings.

Wallpaper

Mystery.

On Vegan Bashing

I’ve noticed a trend lately of people snarking at vegans (and to a somewhat lesser extent vegetarians). Maybe this has always gone on and I’ve only just noticed because I’m much more into veganism than I used to be. Disclaimer: I’m only vegetarian for now and still have the occasional sushi, though I will likely give that up at some point and head more toward veganism. I may be extra-sensitive to the hostility from meateaters because of this. (Obviously, not all meateaters bash vegans ~ I’m talking about the ones who do.)

It’s possible there has always been a certain percentage of meateaters who feel a need to mock and deride vegans; I don’t know. Before social media, we didn’t always get these glimpses into the psyches of so many people outside our own circles.

In any case, I’m trying to figure out why this occurs. Perhaps these mocking meateaters know their habits are generally unhealthier than ours and thus they feel defensive? That could be part of it.

Perhaps they’re worried that they won’t always be the overwhelming majority in the U.S.? If so, here are some recent stats that should reassure them:

The just-released “Vegetarianism in America” study, published by Vegetarian Times (vegetariantimes.com), shows that 3.2 percent of U.S. adults, or 7.3 million people, follow a vegetarian-based diet. Approximately 0.5 percent, or 1 million, of those are vegans, who consume no animal products at all. In addition, 10 percent of U.S., adults, or 22.8 million people, say they largely follow a vegetarian-inclined diet.

So, three percent, eh? No one is taking away your bacon double cheeseburgers! Relax. :)

Perhaps meateaters get annoyed because vegans can be outspoken about their concern for animals and the environment. I can see how that would make some people feel defensive because facts. I get defensive when people yap about water conservation because, dammit, I like my long hot showers and I refuse to believe they’re bad because I don’t wanna and you can’t make me! Mm hmm.

Perhaps it’s annoying to meateaters that there are vegetarian/vegan options on some menus now and (gasp!) even some exclusively vegan restaurants. I’m not sure why that would be annoying when there’s a fast food place on every corner, but houses of worship saturate the country and still believers rant about atheists. Some things defy explanation.

I guess there is always a percentage of the majority that feels threatened by any lifestyle or belief system different to theirs. We have seen that time and again with various minorities having to fight for the rights and respect that should have been a given all along.

Vegan

Sick Day ~ A Study in Cat

I stayed home from work today because of a vicious migraine. Luckily, I had company.

10:47AM ~ he pulls down the blanket to make a cave and disappears

Lazycat1

1:17PM ~ he’s still there, but slightly visible

Lazycat2

4:17PM ~ he’s awake!

Lazycat3

4:18PM ~ nope, false alarm

Lazycat4

6:52PM ~ hard day, time for nap

Lazycat5