If I Ran Things…

Facebook would always show “most recent” status updates because no one on the planet wants to see “top posts.” Ads would be on the side, never embedded. Foreigners sending rando friend requests would be BANNED from the internet for life.

Twitter would be forced back into 140-character tweet mode only, no photos. Especially there would be no photos of text to get around the 140-character rule. BANNED.

Porn needs to stay on porn sites. I don’t want to see it in my Twitter or on Instagram. BANNED.

There are lots of places to shop online, which is wonderful and convenient. I love this. But when I’m on, say, Tumblr, I don’t want to see a million embedded ads for shoes while I’m searching for pretty photos of sunsets or whatever. BANNED.

All multi-level marketers will be BANNED from the internet forever.

That’s all for now. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Thursday Throwup ~ Snickers

I’ve given up my candy habit.

Candy! OMG. Candy. I love candy. M&Ms. Peanut M&Ms. Peanut Butter Cups. Chunky bars. Nestle Crunch bars. And, OK, you can even tempt me with some of that there fancy candy in a box for a special occasion (but no goopy, fruity stuff).

But Snickers. Ahhhh, Snickers. My favorite, always. If I had to pick one candy forever, it would be Snickers, no question. ORIGINAL SNICKERS, though yes, OK, I did have my brief fling with almond Snickers, if you must know. And it was very very good, but I returned home to the original.

Snickers

Mostly I nommed them up on work days, not weekends. And not every day. For Pete’s sake, I do have some self control! But maybe 3-4 afternoons a week, I’d go down to the little café in my office building and buy a Snickersnack. Sometimes I’d buy it with my lunch instead, knowing I’d “need” it later. But now? Haven’t had one for months.

How did I manage this amazing accomplishment of giving up my favorite snack? I shall share my secret with my blogfans because I heart you all. If I didn’t heart you so much, I’d charge you $19.99 for this secret like I do all the schlubs I don’t heart. But I do heart you, so here we go.

Did I give up Snickers because they aren’t vegan? Nope.

Did I give them up because they aren’t superlyduperly nutritious? Nope.

Did I give them up because I wanted to replace my candy-nomming with a more life-affirming habit like saluting the sun every day at 3PM? WTF, no.

Did I give them up because George Clooney told me to quit eating them? Well, that would have been a yes, had he not run off and married that floozy.

Did I give them up to put a dollar in a jar every day to save up for a fabulous trip to London? No. But that’s a great idea! *puts dollar in jar* (Anyone have a calculator?)

OK, I see you people are never gonna guess, so I’ll just tell yas. I gave up Snickers because of anger. I became totally enraged at the café peeps several times for disrespecting me ~ I’d order my lunch in advance and still have to wait in line like a commoner, and when I spoke up, nicely, they’d just shrug and go duh yah it was supposed to be ready. No one ever apologized, not even the owner of the place. I just got sick of it. Not just sick of it, completely enraged. I added up how much money I’d been spending there over the last five years. Two bucks in the morning for coffee, sometimes more if I got a muffin. I’d been buying lunch two, three days a week at five, six, seven bucks per. Times five years. Who has the calculator?

And a buck for the Snickers. That was probably close to their cost, idk. Whatever. I was extremely pissed at their last shrug-off of my complaint. I vowed never to buy anything there again and I haven’t (though I do occasionally pick up stuff for the partners, which doesn’t count). I’m surprised at the strength of my anger and how much more motivating it is than any other thing.

Then again, perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised, when I think about past experiences and which feelings have motivated me to actually carry through on a plan, and which ones have not. Negativity wins, my friends. Negativity wins.

 

Cosmo’s 50 Things, Part 1

These are from 2014, but I’m only getting to them now cuz I had things to do, yada. Since we are an equal opp readership here I thought we should de-genderfy the list a bit as we discuss the various items. We’ll do the first 25 today and the second 25 when I get a round tuit…don’t pressure me, OK? I still got things to do, mostly the same things I didn’t finish in 2014, if you must know.

1. Swim in the ocean naked and just let your parts float about. 

I can imagine this would feel good, but I’d only do it in a super-clean and clear and warm part of the ocean (which is basically the only part I’d be going in fully anyway, suited up or not), where I’d either have total privacy with a partner, or at a beach where it’s an OK thing to do. But yeah, I can see that this would be nice, possibly even blissful.

2. Put a streak in your hair, or dye all of it.

Most women have colored their hair at some point. It’s fun.

3. If you have long hair, cut it short. 

I’ve done this in the distant past, prefer it long (just got it cut a bunch, but it’s still long). Change can be interesting, both in how you feel and how you’re perceived.

4. Forgive someone. “Remember, forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for you. So even if they’re a dick to you after you dig deep and forgive them, you know you’re not wasting energy holding a grudge.”

I left all the Cosmo text in because it’s important. To me. I’m not fully there yet, but I try.

5. Travel alone. “Wake up early and see things that will blow your mind. Sleep in late and give zero fucks about wasting the day away.”

Meh. Travel. I can do the second part at home, and do (though sleeping in late will result in a headache and backache, but hey, why not do it just because?). If I had the time and funds, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be more fun to travel with a person whose company I enjoyed. I’m ruminating (moo). I go to a place. I see like the most beautiful thing ever, a meadow, a mountain, a beach, whatever, and I’m alone, I soak in the beauty, and… I wish I could turn to… someone I care about and know that they are enjoying it too. That would make it better. I guess not everyone feels that way. But I can’t see how it would be better alone.

6. Eat dessert for breakfast. 

Oh, I got this covered, peeps. Done and dusted!

7. Offer to pay for a date and actually do it. “It’s remarkably empowering.”

I’ve done it. I didn’t feel empowered. But then, I don’t feel I’m at a power disadvantage in the first place because of money (or anything else). The whole money/dating thing is very complicated. Intellectually, I think it should be equal, generally speaking. Emotionally, it feels unromantic if the man doesn’t offer to pay every time.

8. Book a massage after you’ve had a really stressful day. 

Massages are too expensive. What would be awesome is if I could find a massage therapist to date. Where is that guy? I would totally pay for his dinner.

9. Eat a huge piece of cake (or candy bar or ice cream cone or whatever your favorite dessert is) and feel wonderful about it. “Not bad. Not fat. Not guilty. Wonderful.”

I’ve done this and not felt guilty. I haven’t felt wonderful either, because usually eating a huge amount of fat will make me feel nauseated. But I get the concept. There’s no point in beating yourself up over something you’ve eaten. If it isn’t optimally nutritious, then eat something that’s super good for you next several meals. Note how much better you feel. Tie that to what you’ve eaten. Soon you’ll find yourself wanting more nutritious foods because they make you feel better.

10. Go out for a meal by yourself. “Order a glass of wine and read a book. Write in that journal you keep meaning to update. Be glad you’re not on an awkward first date like those people sitting next to you.”

First, the miserable looking awkward quiet couple are probably married, not on an early date. Early dates are characterized by a lot of frantic chatter and fake smiling. Second, if I have a glass of wine I’ll get a splitting headache and be unable to drive home, so the wine is a terrible idea. But I’ve gone out to eat alone plenty of times, so I don’t see what the big deal is. Is eating alone in a restaurant some huge barrier most people have to overcome? I just did it again last week.

11. Complete some sort of physical challenge. “Run a marathon or a 5K or enter a triathlon. Or just learn to do a push-up.”

Yeah, this is going to happen. LOL

12. Take a kickboxing class.

LOL again.

13. Quit that job you hate. 

Done and dusted. Went back to college and now have a job I enjoy.

14. Live alone. “Be naked in your kitchen for no reason. Make a huge mess. Have your own glorious closet. Come home at 5 a.m. and make a hot pocket in the microwave. Go to bed at 8 on a Tuesday without interruption.”

I do live alone, but I don’t see why I need to be naked in the kitchen, make a mess, or eat hot pockets (gross).

15. Go on one or more spontaneous adventures with your best friends. 

I don’t do spontaneity, thx anyway.

16. Don’t work out for a week. 

Got that one nailed.

17. Splurge on something you really, really want. 

Just bought a car. Is that enough?

18. Make a whole cake for no reason other than to sit there and attack it with forks alone/with your roommate/boyfriend.

Have done this too.

19. Have a pet. 

GATSBY! <3

20. Go to a Beyoncé concert. “Bask in her talent and feminist message. Enjoy the hardcore fans closing their eyes and lifting their arms in the air while she sings “Resentment” as though they are having a religious experience.”

WTF? No.

21. Run away from something driving you nuts. 

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

22. Buy lunch for someone who is just starting out and needs to save the $10 more than you do. “When they’re wildly successful, they’ll remember how you bought them lunch and bestow the favor on another young upstart.”

Erm, OK. Cute upstart guys, line up to the right. Take off your shirts. WOT?

23. Take the time to get a few special photos or prints professionally framed and matted, even though it’s pricey. “You’ll use them in every apartment you ever live in and you’ll feel happy every time you look at them.”

Done.

24. Learn to like some stuff you’re pretty sure you didn’t. 

K. Give me the deed to an obnoxious house in Newport Coast.

25. Find a phrase or quote that will be your personal mantra and live by it. 

Perfection is the enemy of the good.

See ya next round!

Caturday!

Gatsby is an official Kitty Convict.

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Doesn’t he look handsome? (And thrilled to bitsy bits?)

This is one of thoses Obvious McObvious inventions that makes you go OMGDUH why didn’t someone think of this a million years ago?! It is so brilliant, yet so simple. What it is, is an orange collar to indicate, in the unlikely but scary event Mr. G ever escapes {yikes!} outdoors by himself, that he is not an outside kittay and should be apprehended at once and returned to custody.

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On the otter side of the black tag is my address and phone number, which I’m not silly enough to poast on the internutz (anymore) because of all you stalkers and freaks. And that’s just my Facebook friends list! :P

Anyway, this kitty convict collar thingie is cool and cheap too. I highly recommend if you haz an indoor kittay.

And that is my PSA for the weekend. Have a good one!

Thursday Throwup ~ Broken Calories

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[I’m not a doctor or a nutritionist, just a thin opinionated person, so for gawd’s sake use your own judgment.]

I’ve seen a few headlines this week about how the calorie is “broken” and I finally went to check it out. Of course the calorie is not broken ~ it’s the same as it ever was, which is the amount of heat necessary to raise the temperature of one kilogram of water one degree Celsius (talking food calories here). Calories are often hard to measure however, and they are notoriously hard to track when you’re eating at restaurants and you don’t really know exactly what you’re getting and how much of it is on your plate. When I was a teenager and obsessively counting calories at every meal, I’m sure my totals were inaccurate, but probably not that much off-base, and anyway they would be consistently off because I ate the same things all the time in the same amounts.

Boring, eh? Yes, but effective. Ah, the willpower of youth. :)

I find it amusing that under the clickbait broken-calorie headlines is the article about the 1600 calorie milkshake. Now, I’m sure it’s not exactly 1600, right? It could be 1587 or 1631, but the point is that for, say, a relatively inactive adult woman like myself that is a whole day’s worth of calories in one treat, or more.

Maybe you are more active than I am, or maybe you’re a man, but even so… you’re most likely not going to be able to have a 1600 calorie dessert and not gain weight.

But… but… you wouldn’t have the 1600 calorie milkshake every day! Of course not. Some days you’d have a bacon double cheeseburger, other days half a pepperoni pizza. Some days you’d just do beer and wings. And by Friday you’d feel fat, so you’d vow to have a salad night, with just a little bit of dressing… and garlic bread… and only one glass of wine. OK two, maybe three.

Look, peeps. It’s not the calorie that’s broken. Quit blaming the calorie!

And it’s not your “slow metabolism” either. You’re just eating too much. Sorry to put it so bluntly. But, as they say, boom. Truth. It’s not all your fault though. You’re supposed to be addicted to processed food. They’ve planned it that way. No, this isn’t some wackadoo conspiracy post. But the food company peeps do try to find ways to make their food as tasty as possible. I mean, duh. And how do they make food tasty? With salt and sugar and fat fat fat! Mmm more calories. It’s a science, and they’re damn good at it.

Eat more unprocessed food. It’s better for you (wash off the pesky killer bacteria and stuff first though), and it’s easier to keep track of how many calories you’re consuming.

Math, it’s what’s for dinner.

 

OKC Update

As with everything, I go too far. I told you I answered 4300 questions on OKCupid, which is pretty abnormal. Last weekend I took off all my pool filters to see what would float in… and then I proceeded to hide every single man within 25 miles. Why? Idk. It was fun at the time. This does not stop any one of them from sending me a message should he feel like doing so. It just means that when I log in again (if I do), I should see new men in my puddle of matches, if there are any. I’m tired of seeing the same old boring people who’ve been losing at the dating game for the last five years. I can always look in the mirror for that. Har.

So, have I actually communicated with any guys since I began this new profile? Yes, I have! Thank you for asking. I even had a date. Not a dumb coffee meeting, but a real dinner date, and it was nice. Nothing further came of it, and I have no explanation for that. We texted the next day and he sent me a photo of an owl, which was cool. Maybe he found someone he liked better. I really have no idea. He did say he was a super busy dude. Whatever.

I had two other meeting type dates and they were just meh. That happens. That mostly happens. No big deal. I rejected one and the other was a mutual fade-out. I am a big fan of the ghost rejection that many people denigrate. I’m not talking about ghosting away after 10 years of marriage, but there’s no reason why we can’t ghost after a conversation, several conversations, or even a meeting or two. There does not need to be any awkward discussion about how there’s no chemistry or whatever thing. Take the owl guy. If he simply wasn’t attracted to me, I’m happy he didn’t say so. Why do I need to hear that? Just make like a ghost. Much nicer. I do it all the time and if men dislike it, well, guess what? (IDGAF)

Oh, I had a lengthy series of messages with a teacher in Orange. We seemed to have tons in common, talked about bunches of fun things we’d do together… and then he ghosted. No big deal. See?

There’s a lawyer I’m playing a WwF game with, but he’s quit texting me to set up a time to meet in person. Idk what’s up with that. There’s another guy I kinda like a lot because he’s really cute and funny ~ his MO is to text in a flurry for an hour and then disappear for a week. We still have not met. Maybe we will; I’m open to it. But I’m not going to chase after him ~ he’s probably married or some bullshit. The otter day I chatted with a guy on the phone who turned out to be “not quite divorced yet.” Meh. I’m not interested in men who don’t have their legalities sorted out. I dealt with mine already and don’t need to get involved with a raft of drahmah.

The otter week I chatted/texted for a day or so with a man in Los Angeles and then he got on my nerves. One of the things he said that really annoyed me was that he was a super private person and I could never mention him on my blog in any way whatsoever. Oops. Well, I can’t be with someone like that obviously. My life’s an open book. I don’t plan on shriveling back up into a secret little ball and hiding away from the world like I used to do. I hate that. I didn’t ghost on him; I just told him I was no longer interested.

Plus I don’t really want to deal with someone over 25 miles away. That’s a pain in the ass. Because this is what they do. At first they’re all gentlemanly and come here, pick me up, plan a date nice and local to me, bla bla bla. But soon enough they get lazy and I end up driving to them. Like all the time. Because I get in “good girlfriend” mode and want to make them happy. Well, fuck that and a half. One dude I’d dated twice a few years ago wanted me to drive down to Dana Point on a weeknight. ON THE 405! ZOMG! {{{faints in horror}}}

(As opposed to my desperado-dating in 2012 where I actually, happily drove to places like Van Nuys and Pasadena to meet men I liked. What the hell was I thinking? LOL)

Also, I hate long-distance text/phone relationships and I’m never doing one again, no matter how wonderful someone’s profile looks. Men message me from crazy-ass places. Oregon. Nevada. New York. WTF? Why would I talk to any of these guys? Well, probably most of them are scammers anyway and would ask for money for a plane ticket or something. I block all of them immediately. Anyone who irritates me in any way gets blocked instantly, which to be honest is 90% of all men. Probably more.

And now you’re thinking, but Paula, with an attitude like that how do you expect to have a relationship at all?

Simple. I don’t. :)

But the profile was fun for several blargh poasts’ worth of material (possibly moar) and added some content to a few stand-up routines. I think I’m done with those. I’ve proven I can get up in front of strangers and be a little bit funneh… and there’s no need to continue. Plus most stand-up nights are Mon-Thurs and those are exactly the nights when I don’t like to do anything. Pffft.

So, there’s your update, before I forget everything. Mwah!

 

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Car

[This is a guest poast by my friend Steven.]

I was divorced in August 2005. Since then I’ve been (almost) relentlessly trying to find my life partner. I say almost, because there have been multiple times when I said “I’m done!” but usually that only lasts a few days, and in the worst case, a few months.

People have told me that I’m too particular. Lately I’ve been using OKCupid, which gives a percentage match with each profile, based on questions we’ve both answered. I’ve found that even if someone is a 99% match, and we’ve answered 4000 questions in common, there is always something that is a dealbreaker. I look at the “unacceptable answers,” and usually it only takes a few seconds until I find a disqualifying answer. Maybe she doesn’t date Jews. Maybe she sleeps with her pet on the bed. Maybe she won’t date someone who needs alone time. Maybe she’s a racist. Maybe spelling mistakes and bad grammar *don’t* annoy her (the horror!). This search is time consuming, often depressing, and frustrating.

I thought about my friend, Paula, who recently bought a new car. She decided what car she wanted, what features she needed, called a car broker, and voila, a few days later, a shiny new car that was exactly what she wanted appeared in her driveway! And this made me think: Why can’t searching for a partner be as easy as shopping for a car? Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Then I realized, if buying a car were like selecting a partner, I would be carless. Now, I have a car, and I really like it. It’s a 2006 Toyota RAV4 V-6. It has almost all the features I want. It has lots of space inside, it’s reliable, it has good acceleration, it’s compact and easy to drive and park, it looks nice, and it gets decent gas mileage. It’s a good car.

Now, here’s why I would be carless. There could be a better car. I haven’t found it yet, but here’s what it would be like.

First, it would have all the features I like in the RAV4. But, the RAV4 isn’t perfect; it lets in a lot of road noise on the freeway, and makes it hard to hear the radio. The Lexus RX is awesomely quiet. But, it’s too expensive. I can’t afford it. Unacceptable. Block that profile.

The RAV4 also only gets decent gas mileage. What would be awesome would be an electric car. Doesn’t use gas at all. The Nissan Leaf is electric. Nice car, but it only has a range of about 100 miles. Unacceptable. Hide that profile.

The Tesla is an electric car, and it has a range of 300 miles. Awesome! But, it’s even more expensive than the Lexus. Unacceptable. This is frustrating. I’m done! Shut down my dating profile.

The only way I could have a car is if I wait until “they” come out with a car that has all the features of the RAV4, is as quiet as the Lexus, runs on electricity, has a range of over 300 miles, and is in my price range. I’ll just wait until I find “the one.”

But, I have to drive, so I have my car. And it’s served me well. I fill it up, try to drive in a style that conserves gas, and turn up the radio a little louder when I’m on the freeway. As it’s aged, it’s developed some rattles and squeaks. I don’t mind. They add a bit of charm. Maybe they make me like it more. I’ve grown attached to it. I might even say I love my car.

Carlurve

Caithness Paperweights

I mentioned to Sledpress that I had begun a collection of Caithness paperweights decades ago. Sadly, I had to stop at five due to financial constraints, but I treasure these all the more, knowing I likely won’t be able to add to the set. A few years ago I thought to sell them but had no bites, luckily for me! They truly are works of art.

Blush

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Neon

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Aries

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Fiesta

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Evolution

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Literary Lawful Rational

I’ve answered 4300 questions on OKCupid.

I’m not proud. Or tired. (Name that tune.)

As you answer more questions, your “personality” emerges on a bar graph there. The traits are based on answers to match questions as compared to the entire OKCupid population and then (somehow? magically?) compared to “straight women your age.” There may not be a lot of straight women my age on the site, but whatever. At around a thousand questions my main traits emerged and stayed unchanged.

More literary, more lawful, more rational.

Those are strong traits, with the blue bar on each far out to the right. I understand why I’m more literary and more rational than the average. But… more lawful? I don’t do anything special, except I do obey the law. In fact, I feel pretty fucking strongly about obeying the law. This isn’t because I’m in thrall to authority (though hey put on a uniform and we’ll talk, k?), but because I believe in the social compact. I enjoy living in this society, in a safe, organized community (well, that’s the ideal anyway), and I do my part by abiding by the rules. I don’t litter, I don’t run red lights, I don’t rob banks. When other people do those things, I want them to be lined up against a wall and shot. Fairly simple. :D

I’m joking, somewhat. I mean, I do obey the law, and it pisses me off when people don’t (civil disobedience for a righteous cause is beyond the scope of today’s bloggery). I find it kinda shocking that this makes me stand out from the average straight woman my age. What crimes are 54 year old women committing these days? Are they simply sheltering their criminal boyfriends? Probably. Ugh. That’s sexist, I know. They could be going out there and committing their very own crimes all by their ownselves. <– This is why I’m labeled “more literary.”

Now for the bad news (it’s not really bad, don’t worry). At the bottom of the graph are the traits that I am “lesser than” (straight women my age who have answered these OKCupid questions). Some are no surprise. By far, the mostest lesserest than is less adventurous. I probably answered every single question about would you do a thing you haven’t done before with a big fat NO WAY EVER. I even said my favorite vacation is staying home, tee hee hee.

The next two lesser thans are strange though: less thrifty and less capitalistic. For the life of me, I can’t figure out which questions prompted these traits to materialize. I never told them I was voting for Bernie Sanders, lawl. And I am actually pretty damn thrifty, all things considered. The next two biggie lesser thans are less into exercise and less spiritual, both of which make total sense. I am going to exercise more this year, but it’ll be a combo of walking and dancing, not sports and gymming, so even if I re-answered the relevant questions, my new exercise plan wouldn’t make a diff. As far as spirituality, I’ll never buy into a supernatural premise, so all that is a nonstarter for me. (But I am going to blargh soon about supernatural words because fun.)

In the past, I’d be deleting my OKCupid profile about now, after having a flurry of good messages, a few dates leading nowhere, and then silence. But I don’t feel a compulsion to do that this time. I actually like my profile and get a perverse thrill out of the fact that I’ve answered more questions than anyone else I’ve seen. I’ll be one of those peeps five years from now with an old moldy un-updated profile that just sits there for all eternity. Is she still available? Is she even alive? Who cares?

Cupid

 

Habits vs Goals

Read some Mark Manson goodness the other day about how we invariably break our New Year’s Resolutions because they are a “spending mindset” rather than an “investing mindset,” which I found a very interesting way to look at things.

I thought about the stuff I’ve been successful at… and indeed this stuff is composed of series of habits, day to day steps, small tasks performed repeatedly, not giant conceptual leaps. Examples would be keeping a good job going on 15 years by showing up every day and doing the things, maintaining my desired weight by mostly eating small amounts of nutritious, delicious foods every day, enjoying a whole bunch of good friendships by communicating frequently, and maintaining great relationships with my daughters by staying consistently engaged with their lives. All of these are investment habits, daily routines, stuff I do by rote much of the time.

I’ve been moderately successful at writing, if I define “success” to be finishing some works I’m proud of and making them available for people to read (as opposed to earning any serious money from writing). When I keep up the habit of writing something every day, whether a poem or a blogpoast or editing a short story, this maintains the writing habit for me. When I slack off because I’m down about not being a spectacular success, then I’ll go for weeks or months writing nothing I’m proud of. Writing every day (not talking about FB chat) is an investment in keeping up my writing habit, and results in actual final products. I do have a body of self-published work on Amazon. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this reality.

How about the things I haven’t been successful at? Two major areas come to mind. Exercise and romantic relationships. I don’t think I set such lofty goals for myself re exercise, but I find it difficult to form any habit for it whatsoever. This is something I am determined to change, but I think the way to do it is to start small. I’m not going to tell myself I have to exercise an hour a day, because I’ve done that before, and I know it is simply never going to happen, at least not at first. Maybe I need to say 1o minutes. That might be possible. Haha. If I do 10 minutes per day for the alleged magical time period of 21 days, will I then have this habit ingrained enough to build another 10 minutes per day onto it? Twenty-one days of 20 minutes… then add 10 more? Seems logical and doable. This will be my new experiment.

Romance, idk what. Total failure. It even feels like a lie now to say well hey I was married 21 years so that was a “success” of sorts. I don’t even remember what that feels like. Was I really married two decades? Lived with a guy in the same house every single day, slept in the same bed, talked to him every morning before work, after work. What? How is that even possible? I must have dreamt it all. It seems so utterly unreal and separate from me. I don’t even know where to begin to build a small series of habits to achieve any success in this area. I might not even want to anymore. Do I really even desire that all again, or do I just think I “should” want it?

I thought I was doing OK this last round of OKCupid taking things much more casually, and indeed this new attitude was responded to more enthusiastically. I’ve received many sweet messages from reasonably decent sounding smart funny men. And I seem to have hit on the right formula to repel the total psychos, hurrah! I’ve replied to some of the nice locals in a light fun way. I’ve chatted with a bunch, met one for a fun evening. But none of it has ended up going further. I don’t know what else I can do. I care about it, minimally. What I really care(d) about is the OCD mode I was in for a few weeks answering 4300 questions there (4300!) and establishing my personality as more lawful, literary, and rational, while also being less adventurous, capitalistic, and thrifty. Not sure about those last two, but whatev. Not going to argue with 4300 questions. I’m thrilled that I am more lawful than straight women my age. Why is that? Because I… obey the law? I mean… what? Are 54 year old straight women generally breaking laws? Which laws? I find this fascinating. Maybe it’s just old ladies on dating sites who break laws. We’re such badasses. Not me, obviously. I obey the damn law!

I think I’ll put romance rumination (moo!) on hold until I deal with my migraines. They’ve really been out of control, to the point where it’s hard to focus on anything else. Thursday I saw the migraine doc and he has me back on Topamax, but not at the ridiculously high dosage another doc had me on years ago that put me in fogbrain, which was too upsetting to handle. But it will take a few weeks to ramp up to full effect and in the meantime I’m detoxing from all the Excedrin etc. and suffering loads of rebound headaches and general misery. Having trouble sleeping, hence this 1AM poasty. Hopefully it’s not unreadable. I can’t tell; I took a Valium before I began.

Thanks for reading.