The Rumors of My Demise…

…have been greatly exaggerated.

So, let’s get right down to it. Issues of the day, wot.

1. Zoe Saldana’s weight on the cover of Allure. First, it simply isn’t true that female celebs never ever ever tell their weight. In Playboy, forex, the centerfold always has stats, including weight. Granted, the POTM is not a star on the level of Zoe, but even so ~ she might be, one day, and the point is that weight is not some verboten topic as has been suggested by these nattering nannies. Oh the horror! Publishing Zoe’s number is going to send throngs of young chubettes into fits of anorexia. (One can only hope. KIDDING.)

Second, this is actually something to get worked up over? Women really are nuts.

2. Pat Robertson. Some distressed married chick asked him how she can get past her hubby’s cheating and he says hey try not to dwell on it, make a happy home, remember why you fell in love with the dude and all the good things about him, yada. Everyone has a collective stroke over this. Why is it so bad? Remember, she didn’t ask if she should stay or go ~ she wants to stay. Oh, and Pat notes that men are prone to wander, like this is news. (Some women are too, newsflash.) No no, we must pretend pesky facts do not exist. GO AWAY FACTS, WE HATE YOU.

Maybe he’d give the same advice to a married guy whose wife has strayed and who wants to try to save the relationship. Don’t dwell, try to focus on the good. What’s so bad about this? And this doesn’t mean I have to agree with any other awful thing Pat has said. Sheesh.

3. Speaking of matches made in heaven ~ Jodi Arias + Scott Peterson. One cell, one knife. Death match! Wouldn’t this make a great TV show? The survivor gets the next whack-job convict. I think I’m onto something here…

4. Obama’s umbrella fiasco. Impeach him!

5. The DSM-5. This is the new shrink bible, coming out soon and coincidentally written by shrinks. It is apparently totally upfucked, which is shocking. I am shocked anyway, which is a symptom of something that can now be treated with a drug covered by my insurance. WHAT A SURPRISE.

6. The people who told us that salt was going to kill us were all wrong, same as they were all wrong about eggs and carbs. Just stop listening to these assholes, k? Do what I tell you, which is EAT A LOT LESS EVERY DAY. That’s all. Do that all the time, no exceptions. It doesn’t really matter what you eat ~ apples, macaroni, bacon, cupcakes, salad, whatever ~ just quit eating so much of it.

7. My Kindle Fire. It is awesome, especially the HOT PINK case.

8. STAR TREK.

 

Hello Mother

I had a dream about Mom the other night. She had made a Great Gatsby tee shirt for me ~ it was dark blue, short sleeved, with white paint squiggles all over that were supposed to be fluffy clouds. Don’t ask me. In the dream, it looked right.

I had shown someone one of my scrapbook photo albums last week and was thinking about my long ago days of arts & crafts. Not sure if this prompted the dream, or what.

A little while ago I opened my Chrome browser (I’ve been using Firefox mostly) and noticed that my old bookmarks were still there, including Baggage Reclaim, my favorite relationship site. The first article was about how some of us struggle to please certain people who have impossible demands and how that’s a never-ending spiral of futility.

The first Unpleasable in your life tends to be that exacting and critical parent or caregiver and if your perspective on their behaviour and how you respond to it hasn’t changed in adulthood, you’re likely to have felt tormented by a similar boss, ‘friend’ or romantic partner. [link]

As always, very interesting bloggery from Natalie, and just in time for Mother’s Day too.

Love Irresistibly and Then Some

Love Irresistibly is a romance novel by Julie James. I grabbed it because it featured lawyers and I use lawyer protags (sometimes) because it’s easier to use a profession you kinda know a little about than go Googling for something new. Ms. James actually knows a ton about lawyers and the law though, since she is a lawyer, so her book is really interesting from a plot and career POV. This doesn’t happen all that much in a romance.

I totally loved this book. It was a romance, no question (witty banter, hot sex, funny friends, manufactured crisis, epiphany, happy ending), but it was a little different. Hard to nail down exactly how, but the main characters seemed more like real people than usual. OK, maybe they were too good-looking, but besides that. They had interesting backgrounds, ongoing issues, and weren’t going to die if they couldn’t have each other. I liked that the heroine didn’t need to be rescued from anything. She managed her own life just fine, but that didn’t preclude a relationship with Mr. Wonderful.

The only thing that disappointed me was the excerpt from another James book at the end with a secondary character from LI as the heroine. It didn’t seem up to the standards of this novel at all. Oh well.

I’ve kind of stalled out on editing my romance novel. I’m sort of bogged down in a spiral of waaah it’s not artistically satisfying, but yet it’s fun and I should write what I enjoy … but but but at this pace I’m never going to get back to my “real writing” and that’s sad … but the real writing will never get published … so, neither will the romances … not true! self publishing! … ugh, that sucks, look at this article on Salon.

That article is long, but worth reading imo. Honestly if writers who are already published and know about the biz can’t get anywhere self-pubbing, what are we supposed to do as first-timers? After our dozen or so super-loyal friends buy our book, what then? Think of all the zillions of books out there gathering pixeldust and yours comes up in a flash on a search (which is a miracle in itself). What are the odds a stranger will read the blurb and purchase it, even for some low price? Every day more people are writing things and shoveling them out there. It really makes a person think about giving up and watching TV.

I’m scheduled to go to a writers’ group Monday but am losing all motivation.

Finally, there’s an interesting article in HuffPo by Maya Rodale on why we write and/or read romance novels ~ even if I quit writing them (and everything else), I will never quit reading them. Ms. Rodale’s premise is that in this awful world we need something with a guaranteed happy ending, that no matter what obstacles occur, we know True Love is gonna prevail in these things. We feel safe in giving our emotions over to the writer because she’s not going to fuck with us, unlike real life and real people. And I think that’s true. We never throw down a RN in despair because we can’t bear the pain; we know everything will work out. When you start reading a romance novel, it’s like you have a signed contract with the writer and she is not going to break it.

You can take that to the bank.

Happy Birthday

To me. I’ve finally reached the age where birthdays are not a fun thing to think about. We all have a number; I didn’t care so much about the 40s. Maybe it’s the fact that my parents are gone. And I can hear the hoofbeats, ever so faintly.

I don’t know how much more bloggery I’m going to do. This began with cupcake and book reviews and then meandered into noodling about family and relationships. I revealed too much and became uncomfortable after a while, nuked a bunch, and changed course. But the relationship posts brought in new readers, who have since disappeared ~ and that’s fair because I’ve hardly been visiting their blogs lately either.

Things are good here, no worries. Maybe I’ll come up with another theme. I’d like to stay connected somehow, in writing.

Few Writing Noodles

Some peeps were discussing self-pub and a friend just did his on Smashwords. I bought and downloaded his short story, which was available on a variety of formats, including plain old PDF (very convenient!). This worked out well and I recommend. It was easy and fast as a customer to sign up for an account and make a purchase ~ this is way, way important. Oh and you may want to keep your adult filter on, just saying. And I never say this.

If you write erotica and are thinking of self-pub, you may want to explore venues other than Amazon ~ an article came up in my Google reader accusing Amazon of censoring erotica titles. According to Ms. Kitt, her books don’t appear under “all departments;” you have to search for them specifically. And while Amazon can do as they like, Ms. Kitt received no warning of this change. I don’t know how erotica titles would come up in a search on Smashwords or other publishing sites, so erotica writers would have to research that. I also don’t know if my romance novels would be considered erotica ~ my feeling is that they probably would not. Also, apparently you can’t er sub-categorize by microgenre on Amazon in erotica, as you do with other fiction, thus directing readers right to your spanking stories, or whatever. This is a problem. Yes, I just made up microgenre in a snark attack. Sue me.

Here’s an essay on HuffPo regarding “unnecessary” romance in young adult novels. I don’t read YA, but the essay resonated with me because so many times I pick up a promising romance novel and the protags are well-written, but the plot is poor. There has to  be a reason for the hero and heroine to meet, fall in love, and be separated (physically and/or emotionally), but it’s a shame when the writer shovels in a complex murder mystery that borders on the ridiculous. Not every romance needs a James Bondesque level of intrigue! Most writers can’t do it well, plus there isn’t enough time to focus on resolving all that and also doing enough character development, as Ms. Vail states in her article.

That’s all for now. Enjoy the weekend!

Bubba Sweets

As promised, I have tried a new cupcakery ~ and it’s right in my town of Huntington Beach. Not only that, but it’s almost next door to the place where we have our writers’ meetings every other week. Bubba Sweets has kind of an over the top feel, both online and on-site, but that’s okay. They all can’t be Sprinkles. And the price is cool ~ $3 per cupcake or a great deal on 6 for $18. Hey, do the math.

First I tried a vanilla/vanilla, pictured above. See what I mean? Too much pink, even for me. And there was no need for the cinnamon candy deco. The cake was super-tasty though and not oily at all, just moist and delish. The frosting was buttercream (yay!) and a perfect texture/taste combo with that little snap. The sprinkles were a nice touch. Great cupcake.

Next I tried this complicated mango concoction. First let me state that this cupcake had maximum curb appeal, possibly the prettiest cupcake I’ve ever seen. The thing is a freaking work of art! And the cake was simply heaven. HEAVEN! There was a graham crust to die for. The cake itself was dense and rich and nom. Then there was a blob of (NO LIE) cheesecake filling. Omg yummy! But then idk what happened ~ some doofus decided to use whipped frosting. It had no texture, no snap, was just total soft mush. Yucky. The flavor was full of tangy mango goodness, but even so. The (lack of) texture ruined the frosting experience. Plus those seashells? Adorable but they tasted like plastic. This is one case where you’re gonna hear me say: give me the cake and hold the frosting.

Red velvet is up next. I ate this one the next day and sad to say that even though I sealed them away, the last two cupcakes went stale. Unacceptable! (Sam’s cake was excellent for several days.) The cake was tasty despite being slightly dried out, and the cream cheese frosting was totally noms. Yet, I was majorly disappointed that I couldn’t fully enjoy a Bubba’s cupcake 24 hours after purchase. This cupcake was super-pretty as well, despite its ridiculous name of “Rush Limbaugh.” (The shop has an obvious right-leaning slant, nttawwt.)

I saved “Coconut Bliss” for last. It had chocolate cake that went stale, as noted above (36 hours after purchase) and a choccy filling that was tasty. The frosting however ~ omg WOW! Wonderful buttercream with a super-rich flavor and loads of sweet coconut. I would have loved this frosting on the vanilla cupcake OR OR OR !!!

THE MANGO CUPCAKE WITH THE COCONUT FROSTING.

Enough said. I think the idea is “out there” now.

Well, anyway. You can’t tell me that some silly old triangle of pie could be this interesting. No, not even with ice cream. Just not going there with you. I may return to Bubba’s to try a couple other flavors, but I’ll need to go on a different day because like many cupcakeries, they do same flavors/same days.

I have to say though that places like Sam’s Club are giving bakeries a lot of competition because it’s tough to want to shell out $3 for a cupcake when you can get 4 for $5 and they are many times just as good.

Addressing The Crazy

I know, I know. But it’s out there, so it needs to be dealt with. While in some cases we should let these things slide away without shining a light upon their unmitigated lunacy, there are other times it does behoove us to make a definitive statement. And since this week was a veritable kaleidoscope of misinformation, I don’t think it’s a good idea to let even another sliver of kookery pass unremarked upon. So, without further preamble:

CUPCAKES ARE NOT DEAD.

Now why do I even have to trouble myself to say this? Apparently Crumbs stock has fallen. OH NOES!! NOT CRUMBS STOCK!!! SAY IT ISN’T SO OMG OMG!!!!! Could it all be true then? Maybe people aren’t eating any cupcakes. Maybe this is the end and everyone is turning to pie. Or bologna and pickle sandwiches. Halp halp!!

Ms. Lutz of Biz Insider links to the WSJ in an article where she hints darkly that cupcakes are over. In the WSJ they do the same ~ babble on about Crumbs, admit that Magnolia is still doing well, give zero data of other failing cupcakeries, and that’s the end of “dead cupcakes.” WTF? This is journalism? No wonder we’re all in disarray here.

Could we please get some professionals reporting on the state of our nation’s pastries? First-hand sources, boots on the ground, STAT! I don’t want to see any regurgitated armchair linkage. Thank you.

It’s my unprofessional opinion that people still lurve cupcakes. Why do I say this? Simple. Cuz cupcakes are yummy! And they’re pretty! I still love them ~ and I’m a representative sample of something or other. I’ll tell you what. This week I’m going to try a new cupcakery and do a couple reviews right here on this blog [self-linkage lulz] in order to do my part to keep cupcakes alive, just in case.

It’s the least I can do. No really.